John's Vigil
by potionsmaster
Summary: After Liara's visit at the apartment, Shepard reflects on some unhappy memories. Kaidan helps lighten the mood. ME3, Citadel. Apparently they were in the mood for angsty-fluff.


_**John's Vigil**_ , by potionsmaster

Rating: T for language

A/N: More game 3 feels dump and a peek into John's past. Shepard's in a sharing mood again. Takes place after _Shepard Was Here_. part of the In-Betweens.

* * *

The apartment was dark when Kaidan came home, the fire turned low and Shepard a statue silhouette in the big window against the riotous colors of the strip behind him. The major quietly stood next to him, gazing at the lights and life on the street below. Shepard nudged him with his shoulder, not breaking his melancholy stare. Kaidan leaned back, sliding his arm around the commander's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. He felt a small rumble in Shepard's chest and listened.

"What're you humming? It's nice."

A small smile crawled onto Shepard's face as he leaned into Kaidan's hug. He still watched the sky cars and shuttles flying by.

"I don't know...it's something Liara played on the piano. One of her teachers taught her, and she tried to teach me. You missed her by an hour."

"Oh. That's ok; I got the feeling she probably wanted some one on one time with you. Most of the crew do."

Shepard glanced at him, then pulled away. Kaidan let him go, watching him meander back to the piano and gently touch the keys.

"Have no idea why they want to be around me. All I do is bark orders at them and for whatever reason, they follow them."

Kaidan suppressed a snort and moved closer to the piano cautiously; he didn't want to crowd the commander. Shepard didn't do well when he thought he was trapped or restrained.

"Sure, that's all you do. Besides listen to them, care about them, put their needs first...do everything you can to make sure they come out on the other side as intact as they possibly can be."

"Smart ass..."

"It's true, though," Kaidan countered as he sat on the piano bench. He patted it beside him. "They appreciate it and want to share it with you. And so do I. Show me?"

Shepard caressed the keys one last time before sliding onto the bench next to his partner.

"I don't know. I haven't played in _years_ , K. And it wasn't even formal training. Just an old Irish lady letting me plunk out whatever I thought sounded good on her shitty upright and putting my fingers in the right spots when I needed it. I don't even know how to read music."

"You're doing better than me. I think I know how to butcher 'Chopsticks'."

That earned him another tiny smile and huff of laughter.

"You know me. I always win."

"That you do, Shepard, that you do. Even when it's not a competition. So?"

"I don't think I remember it."

"Try? For me?"

Briefly pursed lips were the only visual clue that Shepard was agitated as he spread his long fingers over the white and black keys.

"If you get elbowed because you're in the way of the keys I need, that's your own damn fault."

Kaidan chuckled.

"I'll own it."

Hesitant, quiet notes began, halting at first then growing stronger as Shepard's confidence in his playing grew. The keys gave off a mild blue glow as Glyph settled in the V.I. spot on the piano's cover. Kaidan admired the way the light reflected off of John's face with the dim firelight in the background.

"Shall I provide you with a metronome, Commander?"

"No, Glyph. That won't be necessary. Thank you, though."

"Perhaps I could highlight the proper keys for you?"

"No."

"I will be available if you need any assistance, Commander."

"Got it."

The V.I. dimmed its own glowing orb but left the keyboard lit. Kaidan was reminded slightly of a biotic aura surrounding them. The more the commander played, the more his expression smoothed out. Kaidan rubbed his shoulder against Shepard's, humming along once he picked up the melody. After a few phrases of it, Shepard gave him a sidelong glance, sheepish look on his face.

"I, uh...don't actually know where it ends. I'm just repeating the sections I think go together naturally."

"That's ok. It's beautiful, John."

"That's what Nanny would have said," came the dry response. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him in the dim light.

"The lady who taught me. She was a volunteer at the orphanage home I was in. She would take some of us back to her place just to get us out and in a different environment for a bit. She, uh...she always said I was her favorite. Because I listened to her stories and I let her pass on her piano knowledge. None of the other kids had the patience."

Kaidan rested his head lightly on Shepard's shoulder, trying not to impede the motion.

"She sounds lovely."

"She was something else, alright. Sometimes she would come and just get me. She would tell me about Ireland, ask me about what was going on in _my_ life, and always had a hug if I needed one. Seemed like Nanny was the only one who actually gave a shit at the time. I remember she stopped coming around after couple of years. I was 11, I think. I was asking if I had done something wrong and that's the only time I saw the director anything other than stone-faced."

The crease in the commander's forehead deepened again.

"The only thing they told me was that Nanny had gotten sick and wouldn't be coming back again."

The melody faltered a bit. Kaidan slid his hand over Shepard's briefly.

"I'm sorry, John. She must've meant quite a bit to you."

A sad smile came back on his face and he pointed to a key, gesturing for Kaidan to hit it. The biotic grinned and tapped the key. The note was barely audible.

"Hit it like you mean it, Kaidan. It won't bite."

He elbowed the commander and struck it with a bit more force, setting off another round of Shepard playing Liara's song. Periodically he would point or nod at the key and Kaidan would hit it again.

"She was the closest I came to actually having a family experience, I think. This is how she started teaching me how to play. I'm afraid I never really got past just knowing where to put my hands and picking out a few simple things."

Shepard stopped playing and covered Kaidan's hand with his over the glowing keys.

"Glyph."

"Yes, Commander?"

"Play the song again, please?"

"Of course, Commander."

The song tinkled from the piano, strong and soothing. Kaidan slid his other hand over John's cheek, smoothing his eyebrow with his thumb.

"I'm sure Nanny would've been proud of you. I know I am."

Shepard snorted derisively.

"I doubt it. I joined the Reds a little after that. Guess I was still looking for that sense of belonging to a family. Awful as they were."

" _John_ ," the major said, holding his hand steady against his cheek. "Stop. You're not 'in' them, or 'with' them, or a part of that life anymore. You've put together an amazing team. You belong with us now. Everyone on the Normandy."

He heaved a sigh and kissed Kaidan's palm. The biotic closed his fingers around it and pretended to put it in his pocket.

"I can't ever get away from it completely, K," he murmured, touching their foreheads together. "It shaped who I am. For better or worse."

Their eyes locked, blue meeting brown. Shepard gave him a half-smile before pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss.

"But now I have you."


End file.
